Still Here

Chapter 1: The Confusion

第一章:困惑

Chapter 1 of 10

Chapter 1 illustration

She opens her eyes.

The world comes into focus slowly, like a photograph developing in reverse. First comes the gray sky, heavy with layers of wet clouds. Then the concrete residential buildings around her, their windows dark and uniform. Finally, the asphalt beneath her sneakers, wet and glistening under the early morning mist.

She is standing right in the middle of the road.

Xiaoyu does not know how she got here. She has no memory of walking down her building's stairwell or choosing to step out into the dawn chill. She only remembers a sudden, blinding flash of white light, and now, this.

Her head carries a strange weight. It is not a sharp, stabbing pain, but a dull ache sitting right behind her eyes. It makes the passing world seem slightly out of focus, like she is watching a video with low bandwidth. She reaches up to touch her forehead, but her hand feels entirely weightless.

A drop of moisture falls through the air. It is raining, a light, hazy mist that usually covers the city in early spring. It should make her hair damp and her skin prickle with cold. She is only wearing her school uniform, the oversized blue-and-white tracksuit that offers absolutely no protection against the wind. Yet she feels nothing. No cold, no dampness, nothing except that stubborn fog in her mind and a quiet, creeping realization that something is terribly wrong.

She looks down the street. It is completely familiar. She has walked this exact path every single day for the past two years to get to school. She knows where the sidewalk cracks, where the street food carts usually park, and where the puddles form.

A group of students from her grade walks toward her. They are huddled together under a massive shared umbrella, laughing about how brutal the upcoming weekly mock exam is going to be. Xiaoyu steps to the side to give them room on the narrow pavement.

They do not step back. They do not even look at her.

Instead, the three girls walk straight through her.

Xiaoyu freezes. There is no physical impact, no collision of shoulders. It feels like a sudden dip in temperature, a brief, icy shudder that passes through her chest and leaves as quickly as it came. The girls keep walking, their voices fading into the mist as they complain about their chemistry homework.

Panic, cold and sharp, hits her stomach. Xiaoyu turns around and runs.

She runs away from the school gates, back toward the old residential compound where her family lives. She sprints up the concrete stairs of her building, passing the neighbor's cluttered bicycle rack and the smell of fried eggs and scallions drifting from under kitchen doors. She reaches her apartment, door number 402. The heavy security door is locked tight.

Without thinking, she throws her weight against the metal.

She passes right through the iron plating, stumbling into the small, dimly lit entryway. Her breath is ragged, though she notices her chest isn't actually moving.

From the living room, a sound cuts through the silence. It is a terrible, broken noise.

Xiaoyu walks slowly around the corner. Her mother is sitting on the floor by the sofa, her face buried in her hands, her shoulders shaking violently. Her father stands beside her, his face completely pale, his eyes fixed on the dining table.

Sitting on the table is a wooden frame. Inside is Xiaoyu's school portrait, the one taken just last semester where she was smiling awkwardly into the camera. A small black ribbon is pinned perfectly to the upper corner.

The fog in her head suddenly clears, and the memory returns with the force of a physical blow. The screech of brakes on the slick asphalt. The blinding glare of high beams cutting through the dawn rain. The terrifying crunch of metal.

She looks at her parents, her hands reaching out to touch her mother's trembling shoulder, but her fingers simply sink into the fabric of her mother's sweater without leaving a trace.

She is dead. She is still here, standing in her own living room, but she is entirely gone.

她睁开眼睛。

世界慢慢地聚焦,就像一张倒过来的照片在显影。首先是灰蒙蒙的天空,层层叠叠的湿云。然后是周围的水泥居民楼,窗户昏暗而整齐。最后是脚下湿漉漉的柏油路,在晨雾中闪闪发光。

她就站在马路正中央。

小语不知道自己是怎么到这里的。她不记得走下楼,不记得选择走进清晨的寒意。她只记得一道突然出现的刺眼白光,然后,就是现在。

她的头有种奇怪的沉重感。不是尖锐的刺痛,而是一种钝钝的压在眼睛后面的疼痛。这让周围的世界显得有些模糊,像是网速不好时的视频画面。她伸手去摸额头,但她的手感觉完全轻飘飘的。

一滴水珠从空气中落下。下雨了,是那种春天常有的朦胧薄雾。平时会让她的头发潮湿让皮肤发冷。她只穿着校服,那件松松垮垮的蓝白色运动服,完全抵挡不住寒风。但她什么都感觉不到。不冷,不潮湿,什么都没有,只有脑子里那团顽固的雾,以及一种逐渐蔓延的不安——有什么地方非常不对劲。

她沿着街道望去。这条路太熟悉了。她两年来每天上学都要走这条路。她知道哪里的路面有裂缝、哪里的小吃摊常停车、哪里水坑最深。

一群同班的女生朝她走来。她们挤在一把大伞下面,笑着讨论下周的周考会有多变态。小语往旁边让了让,想给她们腾出狭窄的人行道。

她们没有让开。她们甚至看都没看她一眼。

相反,这三个女生直直地穿过了她。

小语僵住了。没有物理上的撞击,没有肩膀的碰撞。只有一种突然的温度下降,一阵短暂的冰冷的战栗穿过她的胸口,然后迅速消失了。女生们继续走着,声音渐渐消失在雨雾中,还在抱怨化学作业。

恐慌冰冷而尖锐,击中了她的小腹。小语转身就跑。

她跑离学校大门,跑回她家所在的老旧小区。她冲上水泥楼梯,路过邻居堆满杂物的自行车架,路过从厨房门缝飘出的煎蛋香味。她到了家门口,四零二室。厚重的防盗门紧锁着。

没有多想,她用身体撞向铁门。

她直直地穿过了铁皮,踉跄着跌进昏暗的门厅。她的呼吸急促,尽管她注意到自己的胸口其实没有在动。

从客厅里,传来一个可怕的声音。

小语慢慢绕过墙角。她的母亲坐在沙发旁边的地板上,脸埋在双手里,肩膀剧烈颤抖。她的父亲站在一旁,脸色苍白,眼睛盯着饭桌。

桌上放着一个相框。里面是小语的证件照,就是上学期拍的那张,她对着镜头笑得有点尴尬。相框左上角别着一个小小的黑色缎带。

她脑子里的雾突然散了,记忆像一股物理的力量冲回来。沥青路上的刹车声。划破雨雾的刺眼大灯。金属的可怕撞击声。

她看着父母,手伸出去想触摸母亲颤抖的肩膀,但手指只是毫无痕迹地陷进母亲毛衣的纤维里。

她死了。她还在这里,站在自己家的客厅里,但她已经完全不在了。